“News” According to Andy

Andy Borowitz

by Andy Borowitz

POLL: Americans Worried About Ebola Relatively Unconcerned About Sea Levels Rising and Planet Becoming Uninhabitable Hellhole.

Given their display of competence, I would support giving dogs a larger role in running the Secret Service.

U.N.C. Boosters Outraged That Some Football Players Took Real Classes

CHAPEL HILL – An organization of University of North Carolina football boosters expressed shock and outrage today over a report that some football players may have taken real classes despite the widespread availability of fake ones. “These players attended classes, wrote papers, and took exams,” a spokesman for the boosters said in an angry prepared statement. “The impact of these distractions on their football performance is, to put it mildly, incalculable.” A university spokesman responded to the boosters’ allegations with a full apology: “As a university, it is our sacred duty to protect our athletes from education. We can — and we must — do better.”

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New Texas Law Would Require Candidates for Governor to Show Proof of I.Q.

If the bill were to become law, every politician in Texas with gubernatorial ambitions would be issued an I.D. card featuring his or her photo, current address, and performance on a state-administered I.Q. test.

Carol Foyler, one of the co-sponsors of the bill, acknowledged that the idea of a minimum I.Q. for candidates was viewed as incendiary in some circles, but insisted that the requirements of the I.D. card were not onerous. “All they have to do is show mastery of simple tasks, such as uttering complete sentences and things of that nature,” she said.

But the bill faces an uphill fight in the House, where representatives like Harland Dorrinson, of Plano, have vowed to defeat it.

“I know that the folks behind this so-called bill are well meaning,” Dorrinson said. “But if this had been enacted fifteen years ago, it would have choked off our supply of governors.”

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‘Tis the Season for The Santaland Diaries

SantaLand Photo

Modern Holiday Favorite Stars Marc Sacco as David Sedaris

BUFFALO, NY – Up next for Road Less Traveled Productions (RLTP) will be its 2014-2015 Season holiday offer, David Sedaris & Joe Mantello’s The Santaland Diaries.

RLTP’s production of this hilariously irreverent one-man show features Marc Sacco in the role of David Sedaris under the direction of Doug Weyand.

Infamous from its annual rotation on National Public Radio’s “This American Life,” this expanded theatrical monologue tracks David’s epic journey from an aimless existence as a snarky New York layabout (“twenty dollars away from walking dogs”) to a promising and only semi-humiliating seasonal career as a Macy’s department store elf.

Despite his distaste for adults in costumes and his lack of any marketable skills whatsoever, David is tapped to join the proud ranks of the diminutive, the jug-eared, and the chinless as an official underling to a legion of faux Santa Clauses. As “Crumpet the Elf,” David must lure unwitting shoppers into the labyrinth that is Santaland, sell them photographic keepsakes of their visit, and maintain his composure under the perpetual procession of indignities rained upon him by neurotic toddlers, parents, and co-workers.

A note for NPR fans: The Santaland Diaries will be presented uncensored and unabridged, and will therefore feature a touch of salty language not heard on “This American Life” and potentially not appropriate for all ages.

The Santaland Diaries, a two-week limited engagement, opens Thursday, December 4th and runs through Sunday, December 14th Arts Centre. Please note: Only patrons of Road Less Traveled Theater will be permitted access into the Market Arcade Film & Arts Center during regular season performances and events.

Regular performance times are Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at 7:30PM and Sunday at 2:00PM.

Tickets are $35 general admission. Groups of 10 or more may apply for group discounts. Tickets can be ordered online at www.roadlesstraveledproductions.org, by calling the RLTP Box Office at (716) 629-3069, or by visiting the Box Office during the 30 minutes prior to any performance. Reservations are suggested.

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Secure Victory Party at the Irishman Pub

Steve Meyer

Just a friendly reminder that we are having our secure victory party TODAY, Thursday October 23rd from 6-8pm at the Irishman Pub in Williamsville. Tickets are $20 per person and you can be a sponsor for as low as $49.

I really hope you can make it. 
This is our last opportunity to raise money this year!

On Thursday, October 23rd at 6pm, we will be hosting a Secure Victory Party at the Irishman Pub in Williamsville, NY.
Tickets are $20 per person, and you can be a sponsor of the event for as low as $49. Sponsorship levels are $49, $99, and $250.

WHAT: Secure Victory Party
WHEN: THIS THURSDAY, October 23rd, 6pm-8pm.
WHERE: Irishman Pub, 5601 Main Street, Williamsville, NY 14221
TICKETS: $20 per person, sponsorship levels of $49, $99, and $250.

Checks can be made payable to “Friends of Steve Meyer”. Credit card contributions accepted. NO business checks will be accepted. You can also pay ahead at www.electstevemeyer.com/donate.

RSVP is not required but highly encouraged. Click here to RSVP: http://goo.gl/forms/vQCphwnIZv

Questions? Call or email: (716) 833-0376 or steve@electstevemeyer.com.

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Buffalo News and WNED/WBFO of Buffalo Are Co-sponsoring a Gubernatorial Debate at 8 p.m. Tonight


Participants in tonight’s debate include incumbent Democratic Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo, Republican Rob Astorino, Howie Hawkins of the Green Party and Libertarian Michael McDermott.

Interactive content:

  • Live chat at 7:30 p.m.: Advancing the debate with moderator Mary Pasciak and reporters Tom Precious in Albany, plus Barbara O’Brien and Matthew Spina
  • Live blog at 8 p.m.: Updates as the debate takes place, including quotes from candidates
  • Live chat at 9:15 p.m.: Debate panelist Bob McCarthy joins Mary Pasciak to provide analysis


  • Live streaming of debate (8 p.m.)
  • Replay of full debate broken down by opening statements, all responses to each question and closing statements (shortly following debate)
    Read more…

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Buffalo Veterans Day Parade

Veterans day

BUFFALO – On Saturday, November 8, Veterans groups, civic groups and other Veteran supporters will march in the 2014 Veterans Day Parade in Buffalo.  Lineup is at Delaware Avenue and Edward Street with step off at 11 a.m. travelling down Delaware Avenue, ending at City Hall.

The parade is getting bigger each year with over 40 groups registered to march to date.  Groups have until November 1 to register with an email to Kasmer03@aol.com.  Please use “Veterans” as the subject to the message.

Parade coordinators VA Western New York Healthcare System, VETSHERD Inc. Erie County, city of Buffalo and Music on the Front Lines all encourage the public to come out to celebrate Veterans and welcoming home all who have served in the military and thank them for their freedom. For more information, call 862-8753.

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Rally for Governor Cuomo ~ TONIGHT!

Hochul and Cuomo

Please join Western New Yorkers supporting

Governor Andrew Cuomo and Kathy Hochul

                      Outside the 2014 Gubernatorial Debate in the Queen City!




Beginning at 6:30 p.m.

Near WNED/WBFO Studios

140 Lower Terrace, Downtown Buffalo

(Meet at the corner of Charles Street and Bingham Street)

Please RSVP with your contact information at:RSVPWNY@andrewcuomo.com

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Illegal Mailings Continue in Assembly Race

Steve Meyer2a

             Steve Meyer, candidate for Assembly in the 146th district, held a press conference calling on the New York State Board of Elections to get to the bottom of anonymous and illegal campaign mailings that have been sent throughout the district since September; three sought to tarnish Meyer’s reputation before Primary Day. Meyer believes the mailers are in violation of new ethics and election laws this year. It also appears that the mailings have all originated from Marketing Tech, a local direct mail distributer.

            “We need more transparency in the political system, not less,” Meyer said. “This is why people have lost faith in their elected officials – thinking the rules don’t apply to them and they can willy-nilly break the law.”

There have been at least four mailers sent since September without the statutorily required identification of who paid for the piece.  The first three were sent before Primary Day and sought to slander Meyer. The most recent piece, mailed the week of Oct. 13, featured the logo of Assemblyman Ray Walter as well as a photo of his family, and sought to encourage people to vote by absentee for him.

All of the anonymous mailers have originated from the same permit identification code. The code belongs to local firm Marketing Technologies of Western New York.

Marketing Tech describes itself on its website as “a single-source marketing services resource for graphic design, online communications, animation, direct mail production, data handling, and business printing.”[1] Marketing Tech’s 2012 portfolio includes work done for Ray Walter and Walter’s 11 Day Pre-General campaign finance disclosure listed an expenditure of $967.88 to Marketing Tech.[2][3]

Meyer sent a formal letter to the Independent Enforcement Counsel of the state Board of the Elections in September.  He asked the unit to investigate the mailings and is urging them to conduct and conclude as soon as possible, as Election Day is only two weeks away.

“There are a lot of unanswered questions right now about who is behind these mailers,” Meyer said. “I think at the very least, this firm needs to explain why they feel its not necessary to abide by our campaign ethics laws and who it is that is behind this activity.”

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BPO, Irish Classical Theater and LehrerDance Collaborate on Rare Production of Moliere Comedy ‘Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme’

BPO 14-15

Western New York’s leading cultural institutions are joining forces to make you laugh.

On Oct. 31, Nov. 1 and Nov. 2, the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra, Irish Classical Theatre Company and LehrerDance will come together to present Moliere’s comedy “Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme” at KleinhansMusic Hall, 3 Symphony Circle, Buffalo.

Written in 1670, the class-conscious satire and slapstick humor of Moliere’s comedic masterwork still resonate today. “Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme” follows Monsieur Jourdain, a merchant who desperately wants to join the aristocracy. He seeks to learn the “noble arts” of fencing and dancing, and fantasizes about marrying his daughter to nobility and taking a noble wife himself, despite already being married. The aristocracy does not come off unscathed in this play, which ultimately ends happily for all characters involved.

The Buffalo Philharmonic will perform music written by Richard Strauss for the 1917 German premiere of the play. Strauss is best-known for his operas, particularly “Der Rosenkavalier” and “Salome.” The orchestral suite for “Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme” is unusual among his works, in that Strauss gave it a distinct Baroque flavor to echo the history of the play. 2014 marks the 150th anniversary of Strauss’ birth, and the music will be recorded for Naxos Records. JoAnn Falletta will conduct the orchestra.

“I find it absolutely delightful that a play written in 1670 can still be completely charming, hilarious and just as relevant in 2014 as it was in the 17th century,” said Falletta. “Working with the Irish Classical Theatre Company and LehrerDance makes this production a dream come true for me.”

Cleveland Orchestra Concertmaster William Preucil will join the BPO for the weekend’s performances as guest concertmaster. In addition to his responsibilities with the Cleveland Orchestra, Preucil also teaches at the Cleveland Institute for Music. His ConcertmasterAcademy teaches violinists the leadership and communication skills needed to ascend to the position of concertmaster, and Preucil has been assisting the BPO in its concertmaster search.

The play is directed by Fortunato Pezzimenti and stars Irish Classical Theater Company Artistic Director Vincent O’Neill as Monsieur Jourdain. The rest of the cast is comprised of notable Western New York actors. Kelli Bocock-Natale, a multiple Artie Award recipient for both acting and directing, will play opposite O’Neill as Madame Jourdain. Bonnie Jean Taylor, who has acted and danced with most major theater companies in Western New York, will play the Jourdains’ daughter Lucille. Her suitor, Cleonte, will be played by NiagaraUniversity graduate Zak Ward. Ray Boucher, Kevin Kennedy, Nicholas Lama, Brian Mysliwy, andImmanuel Naylor round out the cast.

“At the Irish Classical Theatre Company, we have a long tradition of collaborating with other theatres and arts organizations. Interestingly, we have done more collaborative performances with the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra than with any other organization in the area. As we experience the talents of Moliere and Strauss, let us celebrate at the same time the diversity and wonderful richness of our arts scene here in Buffalo,” said O’Neill.

Five members of the internationally-acclaimed LehrerDance will perform in several scenes, adding a dance element to the show.

“LehrerDance started in Buffalo with the hopes of working with the top culturals. Being onstage with Irish Classical Theatre Company and the BPO is the perfect fulfillment of that hope. It’s such a fun, good-natured entertaining show. What LehrerDance brings to it is fun, good-natured dance. That’s why I feel it’s such a great fit,” said Jon Lehrer, artistic director and founder of LehrerDance.

Audiences can experience the production three times: at 10:30 a.m. Friday, Oct. 31; at 8 p.m. Saturday, Nov. 1; and at 2:30 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 2. Complimentary coffee and donuts are available before the Friday performance starting at 9:30 a.m.One hour prior to curtain time on Saturday and Sunday, the audience is invited to attend “Musically Speaking,” a talk that will further explore both the play and the music.

Tickets range from $29 to $67 and are available at bpo.org, at the box offices of Kleinhans Music Hall and Irish Classical Theater, and by calling (716) 885-5000. Students with ID may purchase their tickets at the Kleinhans Music Hall box office for $10.

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Halloween in the Village – Daytime

Saturday October 25th

*11am -6pm

Trick or Treating in the Village….look for this sign for participating merchants 


*Hours of participation may vary at each participating merchants

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