Poll: Majority of Americans Favor Quarantining Wolf Blitzer


WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report) — Amid concerns that the spreading fear of Ebola has become a greater threat than the virus itself, a new poll shows that a majority of Americans favor a quarantine of the CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer.

While poll respondents supported quarantining more than a dozen cable-news personalities, including the entire cast of “Fox & Friends,” a full seventy-two per cent gave the nod to a quarantine of Blitzer.

At the Centers for Disease Control, a spokesman said that a Blitzer quarantine was “very much on the table,” and that the C.D.C. had come up with a workable plan.

“Essentially, we would do a lockdown of ‘The Situation Room’ and provide Wolf with food and water until the crisis passes,” he said.

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Discover Everything You Need to Know to Ace the SAT, ACT, and HSPT


Are your children preparing to take SAT and/or ACT tests?  Worried about how they will fare?  You might want to check out this company to see if they might be worth your time and money.  We are simply sharing the following information the company provided as a possible tool to help your child.

All-Pro Tutoring and Test Prep is offering a 4-Hour SAT Boot Camp Saturday, November 1 from 10am-2pm, and a 4-Hour ACT Boot Camp Saturday, November 22 from 10am-2pm at Niagara University. These comprehensive review courses are designed to help students improve their SAT and/or ACT scores and get into the college of their choice. Included are classroom instruction, test-taking strategies, testing information, and study materials for only $49.

Also offered this semester is HSPT prep Saturday, November 8 from 9:30am 1:30pm at Niagara University. Rigorous curriculum includes testing strategies, timing, academics, and study materials for $49.

All-Pro Tutoring and Test Prep also provides individualized K-12 tutoring, SAT/ACT/Regents test prep throughout Erie and Niagara counties, and TASC/HiTest/GED Home Study throughout the US and Canada.

“We saw the devastation budget cuts are having in our schools and on our students so we created All-Pro Tutoring and Test Prep to provide a variety of excellent educational services at very affordable prices. Being parents and educators ourselves, we decided to get involved,” says co-founder Jackie Sheehan.

All-Pro Tutoring and Test Prep is a home-based business located in Amherst, NY that provides both classroom and private tutoring to students throughout WNY. Founded in 2013 by local educators Denise Breier and Jackie Sheehan, it employs a team of teachers who consistently provide outstanding service to students and families. To date, over 700 young minds have been enriched by the pros at All-Pro Tutoring and Test Prep. For more information, go to www.allprotutoring.com. Email at allprotutoring@gmail.com. Or call/text Denise Breier at (716) 400-2767.

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Poloncarz Sets Record Straight on Comptroller’s False Criticism of 2015 Budget

poloncarz 3

ERIE COUNTY, NY— Erie County Executive Mark C. Poloncarz has sent a letter to the Erie County Legislature in response to Comptroller Stefan Mychajliw’s false comments in which Mychajliw said the County’s proposed 2015 Budget included a “massive increase in spending” due to “pork and patronage.”  In a press conference held on October 15th, almost immediately upon the issuance of the 2015 Budget (and before the Comptroller had actually received the 2015 Budget), Comptroller Mychajliw attacked the budget and then again in his Review of Major Budget Revenue and Expense Projections which was submitted to the Legislature after the Charter mandated deadline.

Due to the nature of Mychajliw’s claims, the Poloncarz administration believes it is important to correct the record with facts and to provide a rebuttal with data and evidence, as opposed to Comptroller Mychajliw, who failed to provide any evidence to support his allegations.

“As has become a hallmark of his administration, Comptroller Mychaljiw has chosen to make a number of inaccurate statements that mislead the public and the Legislature,” said Poloncarz. “While this may generate the media attention he so craves, it does an injustice to the Legislature as the purported ‘information’ he provides is inaccurate and will be worthless for Budget deliberations. The Comptroller’s attention-seeking and inconsistent generalizations provide no specific details that can be reasonably reviewed or even debated and in the instances in which he makes comments he deliberately omits key details.”

The Erie County General Fund budget for 2015 will be $1.43 billion, which represents a 2.86% or $39.7 million increase in spending over 2014. First, two drivers accounting for $15.5 million nearly 40% of the “Increase in spending” actually have zero impact on the County’s Budget, yet must be included for reporting purposes:

  • ·   $8,758,599 increase in sales tax revenue shared with municipalities.  Although Erie County does not keep this funding, it nevertheless is required to be budgeted and included in the County’s total budget; and
  • ·   $6,712,570 increase in Family Assistance costs for this mandated public assistance program.  This ‘cost’ is 100% reimbursed by the federal government;

By factoring out just these two areas, the actual spending increase drops to approximately $24.2 million or an increase of only 1.74%, which is well below the average rate of inflation noted earlier.

Other drivers of this overall increase in spending include:

  • ·   $8,510,103 increase in salary expense related to union contracts and negotiated step increases for County employees, particularly due to the CSEA contract which was unanimously approved by the County Legislature in 2014.  And, with a large number of these contractual salary increases going to employees within the Department of Social Services with either federal or state reimbursement associated, this figure is also artificially inflated to appear greater than its actual budgetary impact.  Additionally of note, the 2015 Budget actually features fewer jobs than in 2014;
  • ·   $4,953,500 increase in Safety Net Assistance costs for this state constitutionally mandated program;
  • ·   $3,606,852 increase in state mandated costs by the Office of Children and Family Services (“OCFS”) for the State Residential Facility program for Erie County youth placed in OCFS’s custody and care by the family and criminal courts;
  • ·   $2,437,132 increase in debt service payments on the County’s bonds; and
  • ·   $2,000,000 increase in a required payment to Erie County Medical Center Corporation (“ECMCC”) under a 2012 agreement approved by the Legislature.

The above costs total $41,020,408 – above the $39.7 million increase in the County’s 2015 Budget compared to the 2014 Budget. It is important to note that these are all mandated costs and charges, either by the federal government, New York State, by union contracts, and due to legal agreements (such as with ECMCC and local towns, cities, villages and the NFTA).

Additionally and alarmingly, the Comptroller continues to demonstrate his confusion about basic accounting principles, specifically the difference between fund balance and liquidity.  The letter identifies past examples of the Comptroller’s public statements revealing his misunderstanding of these key fiscal concepts, and advises the Legislature on the true nature and role of each in County finances.

“This is not the first time Mr. Mychaljiw has confused these two elementary accounting principles, and his continued ignorance of them should be disturbing to taxpayers and the Legislature as well,” Poloncarz added. “Both cash flow and cash flow borrowing are wholly within the purview of the Comptroller’s office, not the administration. In his short tenure as Comptroller, Mr. Mychaliw has made a habit of not working with the Division of Budget and Management to address financial concerns and issues. Now, his latest report has left me no choice but to correct his errors so that the Legislature has a clear picture of the Budget to begin deliberations.”

Poloncarz concluded, “Finally, the Comptroller’s claim that the 2015 Budget is filled with new ‘pork and patronage’ is another example of his empty generalizations. It is the height of hypocrisy for Mr. Mychajliw to talk about patronage when he’s filled his office with former Republican legislature staff members who have absolutely no background in accounting, finance or auditing while he is actively trying to terminate and layoff career civil service auditors at the same time.”

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Fire or Explosion at Amherst Industrial Complex, One Injured

Fire crews on the scene at iimak at John Glenn Drive. (Robert Kirkham/Buffalo News)

Fire crews on the scene at iimak at John Glenn Drive. 

A fire or possible explosion was reported in an industrial complex on John Glenn Drive in Amherst late this morning, Amherst fire officials said.

A person was believed to have been injured but the extent of the injuries was not known.

The incident was reported at the IIMAK, an industrial complex at 185 John Glenn Drive.

It was reported as a second-alarm fire because the building is of an industrial nature.
Read more…

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“News” According to Andy

Andy Borowitz

by Andy Borowitz

POLL: Americans Worried About Ebola Relatively Unconcerned About Sea Levels Rising and Planet Becoming Uninhabitable Hellhole.

Given their display of competence, I would support giving dogs a larger role in running the Secret Service.

U.N.C. Boosters Outraged That Some Football Players Took Real Classes

CHAPEL HILL – An organization of University of North Carolina football boosters expressed shock and outrage today over a report that some football players may have taken real classes despite the widespread availability of fake ones. “These players attended classes, wrote papers, and took exams,” a spokesman for the boosters said in an angry prepared statement. “The impact of these distractions on their football performance is, to put it mildly, incalculable.” A university spokesman responded to the boosters’ allegations with a full apology: “As a university, it is our sacred duty to protect our athletes from education. We can — and we must — do better.”

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New Texas Law Would Require Candidates for Governor to Show Proof of I.Q.

If the bill were to become law, every politician in Texas with gubernatorial ambitions would be issued an I.D. card featuring his or her photo, current address, and performance on a state-administered I.Q. test.

Carol Foyler, one of the co-sponsors of the bill, acknowledged that the idea of a minimum I.Q. for candidates was viewed as incendiary in some circles, but insisted that the requirements of the I.D. card were not onerous. “All they have to do is show mastery of simple tasks, such as uttering complete sentences and things of that nature,” she said.

But the bill faces an uphill fight in the House, where representatives like Harland Dorrinson, of Plano, have vowed to defeat it.

“I know that the folks behind this so-called bill are well meaning,” Dorrinson said. “But if this had been enacted fifteen years ago, it would have choked off our supply of governors.”

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‘Tis the Season for The Santaland Diaries

SantaLand Photo

Modern Holiday Favorite Stars Marc Sacco as David Sedaris

BUFFALO, NY – Up next for Road Less Traveled Productions (RLTP) will be its 2014-2015 Season holiday offer, David Sedaris & Joe Mantello’s The Santaland Diaries.

RLTP’s production of this hilariously irreverent one-man show features Marc Sacco in the role of David Sedaris under the direction of Doug Weyand.

Infamous from its annual rotation on National Public Radio’s “This American Life,” this expanded theatrical monologue tracks David’s epic journey from an aimless existence as a snarky New York layabout (“twenty dollars away from walking dogs”) to a promising and only semi-humiliating seasonal career as a Macy’s department store elf.

Despite his distaste for adults in costumes and his lack of any marketable skills whatsoever, David is tapped to join the proud ranks of the diminutive, the jug-eared, and the chinless as an official underling to a legion of faux Santa Clauses. As “Crumpet the Elf,” David must lure unwitting shoppers into the labyrinth that is Santaland, sell them photographic keepsakes of their visit, and maintain his composure under the perpetual procession of indignities rained upon him by neurotic toddlers, parents, and co-workers.

A note for NPR fans: The Santaland Diaries will be presented uncensored and unabridged, and will therefore feature a touch of salty language not heard on “This American Life” and potentially not appropriate for all ages.

The Santaland Diaries, a two-week limited engagement, opens Thursday, December 4th and runs through Sunday, December 14th Arts Centre. Please note: Only patrons of Road Less Traveled Theater will be permitted access into the Market Arcade Film & Arts Center during regular season performances and events.

Regular performance times are Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at 7:30PM and Sunday at 2:00PM.

Tickets are $35 general admission. Groups of 10 or more may apply for group discounts. Tickets can be ordered online at www.roadlesstraveledproductions.org, by calling the RLTP Box Office at (716) 629-3069, or by visiting the Box Office during the 30 minutes prior to any performance. Reservations are suggested.

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Secure Victory Party at the Irishman Pub

Steve Meyer

Just a friendly reminder that we are having our secure victory party TODAY, Thursday October 23rd from 6-8pm at the Irishman Pub in Williamsville. Tickets are $20 per person and you can be a sponsor for as low as $49.

I really hope you can make it. 
This is our last opportunity to raise money this year!

On Thursday, October 23rd at 6pm, we will be hosting a Secure Victory Party at the Irishman Pub in Williamsville, NY.
Tickets are $20 per person, and you can be a sponsor of the event for as low as $49. Sponsorship levels are $49, $99, and $250.

WHAT: Secure Victory Party
WHEN: THIS THURSDAY, October 23rd, 6pm-8pm.
WHERE: Irishman Pub, 5601 Main Street, Williamsville, NY 14221
TICKETS: $20 per person, sponsorship levels of $49, $99, and $250.

Checks can be made payable to “Friends of Steve Meyer”. Credit card contributions accepted. NO business checks will be accepted. You can also pay ahead at www.electstevemeyer.com/donate.

RSVP is not required but highly encouraged. Click here to RSVP: http://goo.gl/forms/vQCphwnIZv

Questions? Call or email: (716) 833-0376 or steve@electstevemeyer.com.

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Buffalo News and WNED/WBFO of Buffalo Are Co-sponsoring a Gubernatorial Debate at 8 p.m. Tonight


Participants in tonight’s debate include incumbent Democratic Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo, Republican Rob Astorino, Howie Hawkins of the Green Party and Libertarian Michael McDermott.

Interactive content:

  • Live chat at 7:30 p.m.: Advancing the debate with moderator Mary Pasciak and reporters Tom Precious in Albany, plus Barbara O’Brien and Matthew Spina
  • Live blog at 8 p.m.: Updates as the debate takes place, including quotes from candidates
  • Live chat at 9:15 p.m.: Debate panelist Bob McCarthy joins Mary Pasciak to provide analysis


  • Live streaming of debate (8 p.m.)
  • Replay of full debate broken down by opening statements, all responses to each question and closing statements (shortly following debate)
    Read more…

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Buffalo Veterans Day Parade

Veterans day

BUFFALO – On Saturday, November 8, Veterans groups, civic groups and other Veteran supporters will march in the 2014 Veterans Day Parade in Buffalo.  Lineup is at Delaware Avenue and Edward Street with step off at 11 a.m. travelling down Delaware Avenue, ending at City Hall.

The parade is getting bigger each year with over 40 groups registered to march to date.  Groups have until November 1 to register with an email to Kasmer03@aol.com.  Please use “Veterans” as the subject to the message.

Parade coordinators VA Western New York Healthcare System, VETSHERD Inc. Erie County, city of Buffalo and Music on the Front Lines all encourage the public to come out to celebrate Veterans and welcoming home all who have served in the military and thank them for their freedom. For more information, call 862-8753.

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