Amherst Doctor Facing Drug and Fraud Charges

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A doctor from Amherst is now facing felony charges for writing illegal drug prescriptions.

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U.S. Attorney William Hochul announced Wednesday that Dr. Albert Cowie, 36, is charged with unlawful distribution of a controlled substance, possession of a controlled substance by fraud and conspiracy to commit a drug felony.

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According to a criminal complaint, Cowie allegedly wrote 280 prescriptions for substances like oxycodone, percocet and hydrocodone between 2010 and 2014. Officials say three people then went to local pharmacies to have the scripts filled, keeping some of the drugs for themselves but giving some back to Cowie for personal use.
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Hillary Clinton Officially Begins Nineteen Months of Looking Concerned

The New Yorker

LE CLAIRE, IOWA (The Borowitz Report) – With a stop in Iowa on Tuesday, the Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton officially embarked on a nineteen-month marathon of looking concerned.

Sitting with patrons at Jones Street Java House, in Le Claire, the former Secretary of State listened intently, sipped from a cup of coffee, and nodded her head at appropriate junctures, flawlessly reënacting a brief scene from her first campaign video.

After about twenty minutes of virtually nonstop displays of empathy, a Clinton aide said, “we decided to shut it down.”

“Hillary is staring down nineteen months of sipping coffee and nodding her head,” the aide continued. “We want to make sure she paces herself.”

After her Iowa visit, Clinton is scheduled to bring her looks of concern to New Hampshire, South Carolina, and other early primary states.

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Airline Quality The Worst Since 2009

Buffalo airport2

If you been on a plane in the last 6 years you’ve probably noticed more late flights, more lost bags, and more customer complaints.  One of the most annoying things the airlines are guilty of is involuntarily bump travelers from a flight.  All of these things add up to a definite decrease in quality airline experiences during this era of prosperity for airlines, driven by fuller planes, lower jet-fuel costs and revenue from add-on fees.

These factors logically should improve the quality of workmanship but somehow they haven’t transferred over to a higher quality service.

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Second Chic Opens Williamsville Store, its Third

Second Chic

A local consignment shop opened its third location Saturday, giving Williamsville a new thrift store.

Second Chic, which sells used designer clothing on consignment, opened at 5454 Main St. in Williamsville. Owner Annie Adams has two other locations in Buffalo, at 810 Elmwood Ave. and 1421 Hertel Ave.

Adams started out in 2004 selling her own jewelry designs on Elmwood Avenue before adding Second Chic in 2010. In 2012, she closed the jewelry store and expanded Second Chic from 400 square feet to 2,500 square feet in 2013. She opened the Hertel Avenue store in October. The Williamsville location was formerly home to the Spotted Giraffe gift shop.

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Stones Near Sellout; Only Priciest Tickets Left

Rolling Stones

Are you hoping to go to the Rolling Stones concert this summer?  I hope you have your tickets already because there are very few left and they are the priciest ones available.

Twenty-four hours after tickets went on sale to the general public, the Rolling Stones concert for Ralph Wilson Stadium July 11 appeared to be closing in on a sellout by 10 a.m. Tuesday.

Repeated attempts to buy tickets on two different computers between 9 and 10 a.m. Tuesday yielded only two pairs of tickets – field seats near the stage priced at $420.15 per seat.

More than half a dozen other attempts to find tickets yielded the same message, “We were unable to process your request. Try again later.”
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Andy’s Bit”z” on the New”z”

Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz said that electing Hillary would be like giving Obama a third term. Exactly – the last thing we need is for the stock market to keep going up.

Ted Cruz’s message of unity: “I will unify church and state.”

BREAKING: Dick Cheney Seeking Third Term as President

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Photo Shows Hillary Deciding to Run for President

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Cruz Blasts Clinton’s Government Experience: ‘She Has Never Shut It Down’
If current trends continue, the number of people running for President will exceed the number of people voting for them.

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New Hillary Clinton Ad Features Just Kittens

BROOKLYN (The Borowitz Report)—Hillary Clinton has followed up the official announcement of her candidacy with a new campaign ad featuring nothing but kittens.

The sixty-second spot stars an assortment of kittens—tabbies, calicoes, Siamese, and a dozen other breeds—in a variety of adorable vignettes.

At various points in the advertisement, the kittens are shown playing in a sock drawer, tangled up in yarn, and chasing a duckling.

Clinton herself appears only in the final seconds of the ad, saying merely, “Hi. I’m Hillary.”

The commercial immediately drew the wrath of the Republican National Committee chairman, Reince Priebus, who called it “woefully short on substance.”

“There’s no mention of what Hillary Clinton would do to grow our struggling economy, fix the disaster of Obamacare, or repair our damaged reputation abroad,” a visibly furious Priebus told Fox News. “It’s just cats.”

In defense of the ad, the Clinton campaign issued the following statement: “America loves kittens. Loving kittens makes America strong. Hillary is ready for kittens. Kittens are ready for Hillary. Meow meow meow meow.”

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Rubio Vows to Block Twenty-first Century

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Seizing upon an issue that could become the cornerstone of a possible 2016 Presidential campaign, Senator Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) said on Thursday that he would do everything in his power to block the twenty-first century.

“A lot of folks in Washington believe that the twenty-first century is a forgone conclusion, and that there’s nothing we can do about it,” Rubio said. “I say, ‘Not on my watch.’ ”

Explaining his strategy, Rubio said that he and fellow Republicans were exploring ways to stop funding any items in the federal budget that pertain to the current century. “We cannot stop time, perhaps, but we can defund it,” he said.

In a blistering attack, he laid blame for the twenty-first century squarely on the shoulders of someone he accused of “using every trick in the book to make it happen”: President Obama.

“Much like Obamacare, the twenty-first century is something that the American people never asked for and do not want,” Rubio said.

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Another sign of Spring

branch pick up

Brush pickup has begun in the village!

Pickup is on the 2nd and and 4th Mondays until October. Tree branches and trimmings should not exceed 6 feet in length or 4 inches in diameter. They should be piled with butt end in same direction and branches, etc. should be piled between curb and sidewalk.

Thanks for your cooperation.

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Cruz’s Constant References to Jesus Drive Millions to Atheism


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The Republican Presidential candidate Ted Cruz’s constant references to Jesus Christ in his speeches and campaign ads are sparking a strong interest in atheism among millions of Americans, atheist leaders report.

Since Sen. Cruz (R-Texas) announced his candidacy two weeks ago with the words “God isn’t done with America yet,” a substantial number of Americans “have begun seriously questioning the existence of God,” said Carol Foyler, the executive director of the American Society of Atheists.

“It’s been amazing,” Foyler said. “We’re getting calls from people who are curious about atheism for the first time in their lives. And when we ask them what got them thinking about it, they all say the same thing: ‘I just heard Ted Cruz talk.’ ”

Foyler said that her group often notices a surge in atheism after natural disasters or other traumatic events that rattle people’s faith, but, she added, “We’ve never seen anything like Ted Cruz.”

After Cruz aired an Easter weekend campaign ad in which he spoke of the transformative power of Christ, Foyler said, “Our phones were ringing off the hook.”

“As an atheist, I naturally don’t believe in the power of Christ to transform people,” she said. “But I definitely believe in the power of Ted Cruz to transform people into atheists.”

Richard Dawkins, the evolutionary biologist and outspoken atheist, said that Cruz’s ability to convert millions to atheism was “nothing short of extraordinary.”

“Ted Cruz has created more atheists in two weeks than I have in decades,” Dawkins said.

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