Republicans Air Early Attack Ad on Newborn Clinton

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — A Republican Super PACdefended the broadcast, on Saturday morning, of an attack ad highly critical of Hillary Clinton’s newborn granddaughter, Charlotte, who was born on Friday.

The ad raises several serious questions about the newborn, at one point accusing her of being “related to Benghazi.”

In criticizing a one-day-old infant, the ad is believed to be the earliest political attack ad on record.

“Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky is fair game,” a spokesman for the Americans Concerned About Charlotte Super PAC said. “We have to assume that she is the presumptive Democratic nominee in 2052.”

The ad raises several serious questions about the newborn, at one point accusing her of being “related to Benghazi.”

Photo: Republicans Air Early Attack Ad on Newborn ClintonWASHINGTON - A Republican superPAC defended the broadcast, on Saturday, of an attack ad highly critical of Hillary Clinton's newborn granddaughter Charlotte, who was born on Friday. By criticizing a one-day-old infant, the ad is believed to be the earliest political attack ad on record. "Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky is fair game," said a spokesman for the Americans Concerned About Charlotte superPAC. "We have to assume that she is the presumptive Democratic nominee in 2066." The ad raises several serious questions about the newborn, at one point accusing her of being "related to Benghazi."

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Professional Athlete Goes Astonishing Twenty Years Without an Arrest

Photo: Professional Athlete Goes Astonishing Twenty Years Without an Arrest
This man is one class act.  We were lucky to have lived through the age of so many amazing baseball players including Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle and Hank Aaron among others.
Andy Borowitz may have created a humorous title but the facts are clear.  Derek Jeter is one of the greats.

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Williamsville Oktoberfest 2014

oktoberfest beer steins

It’s time!!!  Oktoberfest begins today.  Check out all the activities at:  www.oktoberfestwilliamsville.com for details, events & times

Octoberfest 2014

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Man Beheads Worker At Oklahoma Food Processing Plan

Alton Nolen
30-year-old Alton Alexander allegedly beheaded a woman and tried to kill another woman at a Vaughan Food processing plant in Oklahoma.  A sheriff`s deputy shot the suspect, identified by officials as 30-year-old Alton Alexander Nolan.

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Colorado School Board Votes to Ban Students

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ARVADA, Colo. (The Borowitz Report) — A conservative school board in Arvada, Colorado, that earlier purged its history curriculum of materials it deemed unpatriotic has voted to ban students from its schools for espousing similarly objectionable views.

“At the end of the day, it would be the height of hypocrisy to ban unpatriotic books from our schools but allow unpatriotic students to attend them,” Harland Dorrinson, a spokesman for the school board, said. “This was a very easy call for us.”

By transforming its schools into “student-free zones,” he explained, Arvada expects to realize significant cost savings, mainly through the elimination of teachers.

Dorrinson said that he was “cautiously optimistic” that the board’s latest action would serve as a model for other school districts across the country. “There isn’t a school in America whose problems couldn’t be solved by removing its students,” he said.

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Paraguay Bishop Livieres Sacked Over ‘Abuse Cover-Up’

Bishop Rogelio Ricardo Livieres Plano walks to church in Ciudad del Este, Paraguay on 25 July 2014

The Right Reverend Rogelio Livieres Plano has been dismissed as bishop of the diocese of Ciudad del Este

Pope Francis has sacked a Paraguayan bishop who has been accused of protecting a priest suspected of sexually abusing young parishioners.

The Vatican said that “the Holy Father has decided to replace Monsignor Rogelio Livieres Plano” as bishop of Ciudad del Este.

It is the second time in a week that Pope Francis has taken disciplinary action over clerical sex abuse scandals in Latin America.

He has promised “zero tolerance”.
Read more…

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Cheney: ‘No Fair’ That Obama Gets to Bomb Syria

cheney2

NEW YORK – In an appearance on Fox News today, former vice president Dick Cheney said it was “no fair” that President Obama gets to bomb Syria.

“I’m envious as hell,” he told Sean Hannity.  ”That was on my bucket list.”

Asked if he had any advice for the President on bombing Syria, Cheney said, “Just enjoy it. It doesn’t get any better than this.”

The former Vice-President struck a philosophical note at the conclusion of his interview with Hannity. “Look, I had a good run,” he said. “I got to bomb Afghanistan, and I got to do it to Iraq—twice. But to see someone finally get to bomb Syria and it’s not me? I’d be lying if I said that didn’t hurt like hell.”

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Americans Who Have Not Read a Single Article About Syria Strongly Support Bombing It

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report) — In a positive development for the U.S.-led campaign of air strikes in Syria, a new poll indicates strong, broad-based support for the mission among people who have yet to read a news article about Syria.According to the poll, released on Tuesday, the bombing campaign got a thumbs-up from people who had no information about Syria’s civil war, including its duration, the parties involved, and what a Sunni is.

Additionally, the air strikes garnered enthusiastic support from people who could not correctly identify the President of Syria, tell what the acronym ISIS stands for, or locate Syria on a map.

According to pollster Davis Logsdon, who supervised the survey for the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, the poll numbers augur well for the mission going forward.

“People who have not read a single article about Syria are a key constituency because they represent an overwhelming majority of Americans,” he said. “And when you asked the follow-up question of whether they intended to read an article about Syria in the future, their answer was a resounding no.”

According to Logsdon, the bombing campaign also earned high marks from another important group, Americans who think that they maybe read a news headline about Syria but did not click on it.

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Oktoberfest to Feature Children’s Activities, Music, Food and Fun Throughout Weekend

Octoberfest 2014

The Williamsville Business Association will host an abundance of events this weekend as part of its Oktoberfest celebration at Island Park and area restaurants.

The festivities begin at 3:30 p.m. Friday, Sept. 26, when the Oktoberfest Parade departs from the Lehigh Station Train Depot on South Long Street and proceeds to march along Main Street until it reaches Island Park.

The parade will feature Mercedes-Benz vehicles, Miss Oktoberfest contestants and a drawn wagon pulling the ceremonial first keg of beer. Upon its arrival at Island Park, at 4 p.m. under the beer tent, the keg will be tapped by Williamsville Mayor Brian Kulpa.

Beer from the first keg will be free to the public. Musical entertainment at the beer tent will be provided by The Frankfurters and Route 66.

Many of the activities on Saturday, Sept. 27, will be geared for families, beginning with the Farmers Market at 8 a.m. on Spring Street and “The Great Pumpkin Weigh-off” at 11 a.m., which will be held at The Irishman Pub and Eatery, 5601 Main St.

A free trolley will travel on Main Street from noon to 4 p.m. to take festival patrons to each of the craft and entertainment stations.
Read more…

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Andy’s Take on the News This Week

Andy Borowitz
Andy Borowitz

Poll: Americans Who Oppose Obama on Healthcare, Education and Nutrition Give Him High Marks for Bombing Foreign Country

McCain Says He Would Have Dropped Bigger Bombs on Syria Than Obama

With everything on his plate, Obama shouldn’t have to remember whether he locked the front door of the White House.

The most shocking thing about Emma Watson’s plea for gender equality is that it took place in the twenty-first century.

Poll: Americans Who Have Not Read Single Article About Syria Strongly Support Bombing It

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