White House Vows to Use Every Synonym for War Against ISIS

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Amid some confusion as to whether it had, in fact, declared war on ISIS, on Friday afternoon, the White House attempted to clarify matters by vowing to use “every synonym for war at our disposal.”

After the Secretary of State John Kerry asserted that the United States was not at war, only to be contradicted later by the White House’s statement that it was, the White House spokesman Josh Earnest held a press conference to state that “no synonyms for war have been taken off the table.”

“Yes, this is a war,” Earnest said. “But it is also a conflict, a campaign, a struggle, a fracas, and, if you will, a melee.”

The spokesman said that there was no contradiction between Kerry’s position and the White House’s on the matter. “Though Secretary Kerry said that there was no war and we said that there was a war, we’re all on the same page in saying that there will be hostilities,” he said.

Earnest added that, over the next few days, the White House will determine what to call the enemy: ISISISIL, the Islamic State, or something else entirely.

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Biggest Ethnic Group of Buffalo Area? German, and it is Oktoberfest

oktoberfest beer steins

Most ethnic groups in Buffalo know how to celebrate culture in a big way.

Some 50,000 people, if not more, crowd along Delaware Avenue for the St. Patrick’s Day parade, polka dance near the Central Terminal on Dyngus Day, and take over a stretch of Hertel Avenue for the nation’s second-largest Italian street festival in July.

But the biggest German celebration?

Waldfest drew 6,000 over two days this summer at Spring Garden Park near East Aurora.

The disparity seems more striking given that German roots run deep in this area. German ranks as the most common first ancestry in Erie and Niagara counties. One in six Erie County residents claim German as their first ancestry, according to the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey. And in Niagara County, it’s almost one in five.

So come festival time, wo ist jeder? Translation: Where is everybody?

“It’s been cooler to be Irish and Italian. It hasn’t always been cool to be German-American,” said Herbert Schmidt, business manager of Buffalo’s German American Musicians Association.

But for the next several weeks, people will be kicking up their heels and raising their steins at Oktoberfests in Hamburg, Buffalo, Clarence and Williamsville.
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Williamsville Superintendent, Board Face Lawsuit by Suspended Administrator

Dr. Scott Martzloff

A top human resources administrator for Williamsville Central Schools claims the district superintendent and the Board of Education violated her right to free speech when they placed her on paid administrative leave last month.

Kim Kirsch, the assistant superintendent for human resources, notified the school district this week that she plans to sue over what she claims was a retaliatory decision to place her on leave after she brought complaints about Superintendent Scott Martzloff to a School Board member.

Kirsch’s suspension is one example cited by union leaders in the district of what they claim has been “retaliatory behavior” and “favoritism” by Martzloff. Two unions, which represent teachers and principals but not Kirsch, have pressed the Board of Education to conduct an independent investigation into their complaints.
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Poll: U.S. Military Action in Middle East Bound to End Well

Middle east war

by Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON – A new poll released on Friday indicates broad support for new U.S. military action in the Middle East, with a majority of Americans agreeing with the statement, “This is the kind of thing that usually ends well.”

Among the features of the proposed military action that received high marks in the poll, an “undefined coalition,” “unspecified price tag,” and “no exit strategy” were all seen as encouraging ingredients for success. Additionally, the respondents agreed that identifying exactly who the moderate faction is in a Middle Eastern civil war is “the kind of thing the United States is really good at.”

Overall, the poll reflected the American people’s optimism about the latest U.S. involvement in the Middle East, with seventy-one percent agreeing with the statement, “What could possibly go wrong?”

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Williamsville Arts & Culture Committee Knit-a-Thon

knitthon

Williamsville Arts & Culture Committee

Knit-a-Thon

Sunday, September 21, 2014

10:00am to 4:00pm

VFW Post #416 – 18 Spring Street, Williamsville, NY

Make check to: Williamsville Arts & Culture Committee

All proceeds go to the Wounded Warrior Project

Reservations recommended – You can also pay at the door.

Minimum $20 donation at the door (Cash or Check)

5565 Main Street, Williamsville, New York14221

(716) 308 – 1501

knitwmsvl@gmail.com

Knitting squares to join together into blankets which will be sent to military hospitals.

Some yarn will be available, but if you have some, bring it along with #8 needles.

Don’t know how to knit?

We’ll have instructors there to help you learn.

Refreshments will be served.

Door prizes and basket raffles.

Earn more chances to win the longer you stay and the more you knit.  Collect monetary donations from family and friends for this worthy cause.

Look for the event on Facebook!

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No Raises Again For Amherst’s Elected Leaders

AmherstTownHall2

Elected officials in Amherst will go without raises again next year.

Supervisor Barry A Weinstein hasn’t included them in the 2015 budget he’s putting together, and the rest of the Town Board agreed this week to set the same pay as last year.

That means Weinstein will earn $75,000 as supervisor next year. He will continue to serve as the town’s purchasing director, but will receive no pay for those duties.

Councilmembers Guy R. Marlette, Mark A. Manna, Steven D. Sanders and Ramona D. Popowich will earn $25,500. Marlette will receive an additional $3,000 for serving as deputy supervisor.

Town Clerk Marjory Jaeger’s salary will remain at $65,000.

The town’s supervisor, councilmembers and town clerk last received raises more than 10 years ago, said Robert P. McCarthy, Amherst’s director of personnel.
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Steven Meyer Wins Big In District 146

Steve Meyer

Tuesday’s primary produced one amazing fact.  Steven Meyer won his primary race with the largest margin of victory of any other race in WNY ~ 79% to 21%.  The people are learning he is a rare person.

Ray Walter now knows the opponent for 146 District is Steven Meyers, a young man who is eager to help Amherst and Pendalton.

Youth is served.

It is clear the people of Amherst realize the old cows sitting in their State Assembly chairs year after year chewing their cud, are very comfortable doing nothing but writing a column in the Amherst Bee.  How many citizens of the 146th District in our State Assembly have actually seen Ray Walter, our State Assembly representative?

Walters area includes Pendalton and Amherst.  His job is to help the people of these areas with their problems whether it’s a serious farming problems or a city problem.

Now he might actually come to Amherst or send his cronies to find the the real problems in Amherst and Pendalton.

Steven is becoming an honest politician.  He answers questions and emits the aura of caring and honesty for the people in his district.

I ran into Steve talking to a lady on her porch while he was going door to door.  He was there for 15 minutes. She seemed to be in stress.  When Steve left her porch I questioned his decision to spend that much time with one person.  Steven said to me, “I don’t walk away from my people when they need to talk.”  He didn’t tell me anything they talked about because it was private.

It’s clear Ray Walter must get his feet moving and stop throwing big money fund raisers.  Money won’t win this election.

Steven Meyer is hard walking and eager to make positive changes.  He isn’t owned by any political boss.  He plans to debate Walter but not in the debates given by the Women League of Voters at the Senior Center.

Steven wants debates in public places, like the high school, the Harlem Road Community Center and other places where serious questions can be asked openly.  Neighborhoods want their chance to ask questions in a debate form.

Every debate invitation Walter refuses creates a pocket of votes against him.

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“Mr. Democrat” Dan Ward Thanks The People of Amherst For His Victory

wardphoto 002

A sincere thank you from Dan Ward.

To All – thanks for all your help – as it turns out I was the highest vote getter not only in my election district, but in all the contested election districts in the Town of Amherst this year.

Thanks again, Dan.

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Winners In Tuesday’s Primary In New York

election-day

These are the victors in the major races in New York:

Cuomo-Hochul won

Tim Kennedy won over Betty Jean Grant

Stocker pulled an upset against Grisanti

Peoples-Stokes won over Antoine M. Thompson

Mark M. Mazurek appears to have beaten Camille Brandon

Steven G. Meyer –  this young man won over Ken Smith

Congratulations to all the winners of the Primary Day races.  Now it’s onward to November 11th.

 

 

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Meteorologists Predict Record-Shattering Snowfall Coming Soon

Snowfall prediction

Chances are you will hear a lot about El Niño in the next month or two. Meteorologists and weather science experts at the National Weather Service (NWS) say that there is a 99% chance that the we will start to see a massive cold-front sooner in the year than has ever happened, which will produce not just record-breaking snowfall, but according to Dr. Boris Scvediok, a doctor of global weather sciences, record shattering snow storms across the board, affecting the entire United States.

“For the sake of comparison to the past winter, lets say that your area received a total of twenty inches of accumulative snow for the season. Because this year the snowfall is predicted to start by the end of September or the beginning of October, you can expect to multiply that number by up to five, ten, maybe even twenty times in some areas. In the worst zones, you could see 50 times the amount of snow you’ve had in the past. This is the type of winter the American public needs to prepare for. Several meteorologists are saying not to buy into what the models are showing. I can tell you from forty years of scientific weather research, they are doing you a disservice,” Dr. Scvediok told the Associated Press on Friday. “The Northeast, Ohio Valley, and Midwestern states will definitely get hit the hardest.”

Edward F. Blankenbaker, Senior Administrator of Meteorologists, also told the media that this will be a once-in-a-lifetime kind of snowy winter.
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