Borowitz’s Take on News

Supporters of Impeachment Oblivious to What Would Happen Next
Photo: Supporters of Impeachment Oblivious to What Would Happen Next
According to a new poll, one third of voters think Obama should be impeached. I had no idea so many people wanted Joe Biden to be President.

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Millions Pay for Rare Opportunity to Hear Sarah Palin Speak

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Sarah Palin’s online video service starring herself had a hugely successful launch on Monday, as millions of Americans paid $9.95 for the rare opportunity of hearing the former Alaska Governor speak.

The Web site for The Sarah Palin Channel reportedly crashed several times during the day, as it was overwhelmed by subscribers seeking a once-in-a-lifetime glimpse of the reclusive Palin sharing her opinions.

At the corporate headquarters of the Palin channel, the marketing director Tracy Klugian attributed the site’s mammoth success to “the simple law of supply and demand.”

“The Governor is a very private person who chooses her words very, very carefully,” Klugian said. “When someone like that finally decides to speak out, millions of people will pay to hear what she has to say.”

Harland Dorrinson, aged sixty-two, of Flint, Michigan, was just one of the millions of Americans who jammed Governor Palin’s channel on Monday, only to find that the site had frozen under the weight of traffic. “I’ll keep refreshing the page until I finally get through,” he said. “Hearing Sarah Palin talk isn’t something that happens every day.”

Media experts said Monday that the stunning launch of Palin’s Web site bodes well for the upcoming video channel from another rarely seen personality, Donald Trump.

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Town and Village Events and Meetings This Week

williamsville and Amherst logo

Here’s what’s happening this week in Williamsville and Amherst:

• The Williamsville Village Board meets at 7:30 p.m. Monday in Village Hall, 5565 Main St. A work session starts at 6.

• A meeting of the Town Board’s Information Technology Advisory Committee begins at 6 p.m. Tuesday in the Municipal Building, 5583 Main St., Williamsville.

• A performance by Williamsville Community Band, at 6 p.m. Tuesday in Island Park, on Main Street, is this week’s installment of the village’s Tuesday in the Parks concert series. Rain site is the Meeting House, 5658 Main St.

• The town’s Zoning Board of Appeals meets at 7 p.m. Tuesday in the Municipal Building.

• The town’s Youth & Recreation Department’s summer concert series continues at 7 p.m. Tuesday in Bassett Park, Klein and Youngs roads, with a performance by The Reardon and Garvey Band. Rain site is Williamsville South High School.

• A performance by the American Legion Band of the Tonawandas begins at 7 p.m. Thursday in Bassett Park.

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Glen Park Art Festival Keeps Growing in Williamsville

Williamsville Glen Park Arts Festival

One of the fastest growing art festivals in the area returned to Williamsville this past weekend.

The fifth annual Glen Park Art Festival was held from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday on Glen Avenue, behind Glen Park and the Williamsville Water Mill.

The popular event kicked off Friday night with food, beer and live music from 7 to 9.

The festival started five years ago with just 15 artists; this year, organizers were expecting nearly 100. Thousands of people were expected to attend over the two days.

Don’t forget that this coming weekend is the Taste of Williamsville.  Sunday afternoon from 12:00 to 8:00 p.m..  

It’s just one more great time to be had in the village!

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Vehicle Catches Fire at Amherst Gas Station


A vehicle near a gasoline pump caught fire around 9:30 p.m. Sunday at the Amherst University Mobil station at 3652 Sheridan Drive, near Millersport Highway, slightly damaging the convenience store and forcing it to close temporarily.

Firefighters from the Eggertsville Hose Company extinguished the blaze within 10 minutes, according to an Amherst Fire Control spokesman.

The vehicle was totaled, and damage to the store was estimated at $2,000. No injuries were reported, authorities said.
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Free Speech Must be Done Legally

obama hitler

Friday afternoon my wife and I were going food shopping at Wegmans on Sheridan at Hopkins.  I noticed two men putting up signs on the corner of Hopkins and Sheridan.  The signs were calling for President Obama’s impeachment.  Some of the large signs asking for Obama’s impeachment had photoshopped images of President Obama with a Hitler type mustache.

I know these signs are a form of free speech but to place signs on our town’s property is against the law in Amherst.

The signs should have been removed by the Town Highway Department.

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Congress Blocks Obama’s Attempt to Order New Office Supplies

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — The war between Congress and the White House took a turn for the worse on Friday as House Republicans sought to prevent President Obama from ordering new office supplies.

The House panel that mandated the office-supply freeze denied that it was politically motivated, citing “budgetary concerns.” “It’s time President Obama learned a tough lesson,” House Speaker John Boehner told reporters. “Being President does not entitle you to a spending spree at Staples.”

At the White House, the President blasted the Republicans’ move to strip him of legal pads, pencils, and other office essentials, calling it “just their latest attempt to keep me from doing my job.”

In an Oval Office appearance, a visibly irritated President Obama showed reporters a nearly empty supply cabinet and said, “They have manufactured this crisis,” noting that he will be out of paper clips and Post-its by August.

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In Buffalo, N.Y., a New Vitality is Giving the Once-Gritty City Wings

By Melanie D.G. Kaplan 

A South Beach-inspired gathering place. Bike lanes and kayak tours. Free outdoor yoga classes. Alfresco dancing and dining.

Ready for this one? It’s all in Buffalo.

Last month, I shuffled up to the city that brought us hydraulic power, the grain elevator and spicy wings. I had some reservations, which lingered largely from my college days in Upstate New York. I was so scarred by the long, cruel winters that after graduation, I moved 1,000 miles south. But I’d been hearing some buzz about a revitalized Buffalo, and that — combined with the absence of snow — drew me north.

Once there, I was determined to get to the bottom of the buzz. And I pledged to spend all my waking hours outdoors. Of course, that meant missing such indoor gems as Frank Lloyd Wright’s Darwin Martin House; Ani DiFranco’s Babeville, the restored church-turned-arts center; and all the bars, which are open until 4 a.m. (The permanent exhibit of the late journalist Tim Russert’s re-created office will opens this fall in the Buffalo History Museum, too.) But it also meant getting acquainted with waterways, architecture and smells that are distinctly Buffalonian.
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Developer Wants to Build $238 Million Neighborhood on Westwood Country Club Property

A new traditional neighborhood has been proposed for the Westwood Country Club site in Amherst, featuring pedestrian-friendly mixed uses.

“This is smart development using traditional neighborhood design, which includes residential, recreation, neighborhood shops, hospitality and professional office space elements,” Andrew J. Shaevel, managing partner for Mensch Capital Partners, said today.

Mensch, which bought the 170-acre site at Sheridan Drive and North Forest Road from its members in 2012, submitted its rezoning proposal to the town today.

The developer will be scheduling neighborhood informational meetings. Meanwhile, it also has established a website,, to provide full public access to information and filings about the proposal.
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Dennis Ward And Jerry Schad Have Done Their Job of Destroying Amherst Democratic Unity

Schad and Ward

Dennis Ward and Jerry Schad have brought down the once credible Amherst Democratic Committee.  These two lost souls will do anything needed to maintain control of their little kingdom against so much truth about them coming to the light.

The dirt/truths being said about these losers will most likely destroy Dennis Ward’s chances of getting a judgeship on our honorable State Supreme Court.

Jerry Schad has repeatedly demonstrated his love of money by accepting jobs which Dennis Ward got for him.  He showed how intense hate for someone, me, clouded his vision and his ability to effectively lead the ADC  by taking down the flag I purchased as a gift for the ADC meeting place.  He actually hid it by placing it on the ground behind his desk.  The ADC hadn’t had an American flag for over 2 years.  When it’s time for the committee members to say the pledge they simply recite these precious words in the air, to an invisible flag.

The ADC have become a splinter group of faithful people who are loyal to Schad and Dennis Ward.  This group of people come to the meetings to be somewhere.  When important matters come up in Amherst they follow whatever the two lost souls of the Amherst Democrats tell them to do and vote they way they are told to vote.  Lost sheep following corrupt shepherds.   So sad.

The ADC is a perfect example of George Orwell’s book, Animal Farm.  That’s where the Pigs and other animal farm’s leaders rule the farm.

May GOD help us to start thinking for ourselves before Amherst goes down the drain.

Written by James Tricoli, Editor of the Amhersttimes. com

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