Andy’s Take on Indiana’s Newest Law

by Andy Borowitz

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Mike Pence: “All I’m trying to do is protect people’s God-given right to hate who they want.”

'Mike Pence: "All I'm trying to do is protect people's God-given right to hate who they want."'
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When Mike Pence rattles off a list of places that have laws like Indiana he always leaves out Uganda.

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“How screwed am I right now?”
— Thought bubble over Mike Pence’s head

'"How screwed am I right now?"<br /><br />
-- Thought bubble over Mike Pence's head'
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Pence clarifies new law: “No business in Indiana will discriminate against you if you can provide proof of heterosexuality.”

I think Indiana voters should discriminate against politicians on the basis of IQ.
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Indiana Governor Stunned By How Many People Seem to Have Gay Friends

INDIANAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—Indiana Governor Mike Pence is “stunned and amazed” that so many people appear to have gay friends, Pence has confirmed.

Speaking to reporters in his office in Indianapolis, Pence said that he made the astonishing discovery about gay friends late last week.

“A lot of everyday people have gay friends, and they’re not afraid to call and/or e-mail you to tell you that,” Pence said. “To be honest, I’m still trying to process it all.”

Pence said that from what he has been able to gather thus far, the phenomenon of “ordinary folks” having gay friends “has been going on for years.”

“You could be walking down the street, and without you knowing it, this person is friends with gays and that person is, too,” he said. “It really seems to be pretty widespread.”

“It’s the darnedest thing,” he added.

While Pence acknowledged that he has “no gay friends personally,” the growing popularity of being friends with gays has made him question whether he has been “missing the boat on this.”

“When I see so many people having gay friends, it makes me wonder if I should go out and get one,” he said. “But I guess that would be kind of hard for me to do now.”

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McDonald’s Will Test All-Day Breakfast

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If you’ve dreamed of a day in which Egg McMuffins could be purchased way after the weekday 10:30 a.m. cut-off, you may be in luck: McDonald’s plans to test all-day breakfast in the coming months, CNBC reports.

“Our industry sources inform us that McDonald’s US plans to test all-day breakfast — breakfast items for sale throughout the 24-hour day — in one domestic market, with the test set to begin within the next month or two,” Janney Capital Markets revealed in a note on Monday.
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Cardinal Raymond Burke: Gays, Remarried Catholics Are Just As Sinful As Murderers

Cardinal Raymond Burke
written by James Tricoli, Editor of the

I have been a practicing Roman Catholic all of my life. When I was a young boy priests put the fear of GOD in me, not the great love GOD had for us.

When my generation entered our twenties we were filled with confusing truths concerning our faith.  Many of us felt deep guilt concerning sex and love.  It has proven out our generation had the highest divorce rate of any other generation of Roman Catholics.  We were messed up by what we were taught concerning the real love of GOD.

Cardinal Raymond Burke wants to put in the final spike with his generation of priests who started by putting the fear of GOD into GOD’S children.  Now he tells us that remarried Catholics and gays cannot use confession. That puts them into hell here on earth and leads you to going to hell upon your death.

Cardinal Burke, when you meet our Lord you will have to explain why you hated his children who needed love not strict, confusing thoughts.  Cardinal Burke you and your legion of mixed up priests did a harmful thing to my generation.

Cardinal, you should feel guilt for the pain you caused in the minds of young boys and girls.  We had deep guilt about our changing bodies.  The boys tried all kinds of ways not to abuse their bodies.  Your “rules” stayed in our minds and followed us into marriage.  Many experienced disappointment in marriage because of the guilt we learned as children.

Many marriages dissolved because of the restrictions we developed from your teachings as a young person. Cardinal, you should be on your knees praying to the Lord because you were fully aware of what you were doing to his children.  I believe you are a sick person who is filled with hate.  Thankfully GOD’S love is coming out in the words of Pope Francis.

Why do so many happy remarried people, so many are good Catholics, have to pay for the sins of the church?

Cardinal you must stay on your knees and ask for forgiveness from every child you hurt.

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Class Action Lawsuit Claims Dinosaur Bar-B-Que Doesn’t Pay Fair Wages to Tipped Workers

The original Dinosaur Bar-B-Que at Franklin and Willow streets in Syracuse

A New York City law firm says it has filed a class action lawsuit accusing the Syracuse-based Dinosaur Bar-B-Que chain of failing to pay its tipped workers fair wages.

The suit claims Dinosaur failed to properly use the “tipped credit” provision in federal law, which requires employers to make up the difference between tips and pay to meet minimum wage standard. It also says Dinosaur required tipped employees to spend more than 20 percent of their work day doing “side work,” which includes setting up dining areas, for which they do not get tipped. The suit says workers should be paid minimum wage for that work.
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New Hepatitis C Drugs Are Costing Medicare Billions

The hepatitis C medication Sovaldi costs $84,000 for a 12-week course of treatment and accounted for more than $3 billion in Medicare spending.

Medicare spent $4.5 billion last year on new, pricey medications that cure the liver disease hepatitis C — more than 15 times what it spent the year before on older treatments for the disease, previously undisclosed federal data shows.

The extraordinary outlays for these breakthrough drugs, which can cost $1,000 a day or more, will be borne largely by federal taxpayers, who pay for most of Medicare’s prescription drug program. But the expenditures will also mean higher deductibles and maximum out-of-pocket costs for many of the program’s 39 million seniors and disabled enrollees, who pay a smaller share of its cost, experts and federal officials said.
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Pro-discrimination ‘Religious Freedom’ Laws Are Dangerous

by Apple CEO Tim Cook

There’s something very dangerous happening in states across the country.

A wave of legislation, introduced in more than two dozen states, would allow people to discriminate against their neighbors. Some, such as the bill enacted in Indiana last week that drew a national outcry and one passed in Arkansas, say individuals can cite their personal religious beliefs to refuse service to a customer or resist a state nondiscrimination law.

Others are more transparent in their effort to discriminate. Legislation being considered in Texas would strip the salaries and pensions of clerks who issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples — even if the Supreme Court strikes down Texas’ marriage ban later this year. In total, there are nearly 100 bills designed to enshrine discrimination in state law.
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Comptroller Approves More Than $1M in Legislative Legal Costs

State Comptroller Tom DiNapoli’s contract and payment approvals for February include more than $1M in taxpayer-funded legal bills and settlement costs incurred by the two houses of the Legislature.

That number includes $545,000 to settle the sexual harassment lawsuit against former Assemblyman Vito Lopez, who is on the hook to pay an additional $35,000 out of his own pocket. Former Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver was another defendant in that suit due to his alleged failure to properly curtail Lopez’s alleged depredations.

The Assembly previously incurred more than $1 million in publicly funded legal bills defending itself in the same matter.

The chamber also paid $13,000 to Whiteman Osterman & Hanna for “outside counsel for the appeals process in the matter of Assemblyman Micah Kellner,” who was accused of sexually harassing aides. Kellner mounted a lengthy legal battle to undercut the chamber’s punishment, which included stripping him of position, staff and other resources. Kellner decided not to seek re-election.

The payment approvals also included $435,000 to Kirkland & Ellis for “legal services and special counsel related to the Moreland Commission.” Senate GOP spokesman Scott Reif said the bill constituted old business.

DiNapoli approved a comparatively bargain-basement bill of $150,000 to the same firm for the same work in December.

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Follow us: WNY Counties Ranked Low for Health and Wellness

BUFFALO, N.Y. — Several Western New York Counties are ranked near the bottom of an annual study on health and wellness.

The study looks at factors outside of the doctor’s office such as high school graduation rates access to healthier foods, air pollution levels, income, and rates of smoking, obesity and teen births.

Out of 62 counties, Oneida County is ranked 49th, Cattaraugus 53rd, Erie 54th, Niagara 56th, and Chautauqua 58th.

The study was conducted by the University of Wisconsin Population Health Institute and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation.

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Burglars Foiled by Amherst Family

An Amherst man and his two children interrupted a home burglary Saturday afternoon, confronting the would-be thieves in their home and giving police information that would lead to an arrest.

When they arrived at their Ransom Oaks Drive home just after 1 p.m., they found a car driven by a woman they don’t know parked in the driveway. As the father went over to the car to speak to the driver, his son, age 17, and daughter, 13, entered the house. That’s when they encountered a male intruder in their home.
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