Largest Climate-Change March in History Unlikely to Convince Idiots

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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – A climate-change march that organizers claim was the largest on record is nevertheless unlikely to change the minds of idiots, a survey of America’s idiots reveals.

Despite bringing attention to a position that is embraced by more than ninety per cent of the world’s scientists, the People’s Climate March, which took place on Sunday in New York City, left a broad majority of the nation’s idiots unconvinced.

“Look, if hundreds of thousands of people want to march about something, it’s a free country,” said Carol Foyler, an idiot from Kenosha, Wisconsin. “But let me ask them something: if the climate is really getting warmer, why was it so cold up here last winter?”

Harland Dorrinson, an idiot from Hollywood, Florida, was also unmoved by the message of Sunday’s march. “What these marchers don’t realize is that the planet goes through natural cycles of heating and cooling,” he said. “Blaming people for global warming is like blaming dinosaurs for the ice age.”

Skepticism about scientists characterized many of the idiots’ remarks, including those of Tracy Klugian, of Albuquerque, New Mexico. “Those marchers are holding signs that say ‘Scientists this, scientists that,’ ” he said. “Well, how can scientists be sure that the Earth was colder thousands of years ago, when no one had invented a thermometer?”

Klugian said he was confident that, despite the impressive numbers for Sunday’s march, idiots would prevail in the ongoing climate-change debate. “At the end of the day, there are more people like us in Congress,” he said.

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Assembly Candidate Steve Meyer Committed to Strengthening Women’s Rights

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Says current Assemblyman out of step with priorities of district

            Steve Meyer, the Democratic candidate for state Assembly in the 146th district, held a press conference to highlight his unwavering support for the Women’s Equality Act and the Fair Pay Act. Meyer’s opponent, Assemblyman Ray Walter, has voted against both pieces of legislation.

“It’s a sad fact that we still need to address women’s equality in 2014,” said Meyer. “There’s no reason for women to earn less than men for the same work. Western New York families deserve a representative who will stand up for what’s right for women, and address this issue immediately.”

Ray Walter is clearly not representing us on these issues and has voted against both the Women’s Equality Act and the Fair Pay Act twice (A.8070 of 2013, A. 8070 of 2014, A.6130-A of 2012 A.5958 of 2013). He also voted against the Domestic Violence Escalation Prevention Act, which would keep guns out of the hands of convicted domestic abusers (A.6390 of 2014) and against legislation that would have raised the minimum wage to $9 per hour on Jan. 1, 2014, and indexed it to inflation (A.38-A of 2013).

Meyer supports raising the minimum wage and indexing it to inflation. Nearly 54 percent of the workers who would benefit from increasing New York’s minimum wage to $9 per hour are women.  When women succeed, families succeed, noted Meyer.

“Assemblyman Walter is clearly out of touch with what’s important to our families,” said Meyer. “He may claim he supports women’s equality, but his votes tell a completely different story. Actions speak louder than words, and he has yet to stand up for full equal rights for women.”

Steve Meyer is running for state Assembly to give a voice to the families of Western New York and because he believes they deserve more than what they’re getting from their elected officials. Along with making the Women’s Equality Act and the Fair Pay Act law, Meyer’s priorities include bringing good-paying jobs to Western New York, tax cuts for working families, ethics reform and investing in education.

Photographs from the event are appended on the next page and can be found on the Steve Meyer for Assembly Facebook Page. A video of the press conference will be available soon on Steve’s YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqtP3JNaqiZ25eeWco28PLA

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College Democrats of New York Fundraiser

College event
There is an upcoming College Democrats event on Wednesday, September 24 from 5:30-7:30 pm at Dandelion’s Restaurant in Amherst.  The College Democrats haven’t had a WNY area event in quite some time, and we are hoping to pack the room with college students, elected officials, candidates and committees.
I hope you will consider attending and look forward to seeing you there.
Marc Cohen

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Fox News Reports: Intruder in White House For Nearly Six Years

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WASHINGTON – An intruder gained entry to the White House in January of 2009 and has remained there for nearly six years, Fox News reported on Sunday.

The fact that that the intruder not only managed to somehow get inside the presidential residence but also has continued to live there for years “strains credulity,” said Fox host Sean Hannity.

“He has remained there despite all of our best efforts to remove him,” Hannity said.

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Queen Accepts Scotland’s Apology

LONDON (The Borowitz Report) – In the aftermath of Scotland’s “no” vote in the referendum on becoming an independent country, Queen Elizabeth II, of Great Britain, took to the airwaves on Friday morning to inform the people of Scotland that she “graciously and wholeheartedly” accepted their apology.

“Although the matter of independence has been settled, one question remains very much open,” she said in an address televised across Scotland. “And my answer to that question is this: yes, I forgive you.”

The Queen made only scant reference to her obscenity-laden tirade on Thursday, in which she reamed the Scots for even considering breaking away from the United Kingdom.

“Like any parent with a naughty child, I became a little cross,” she said. “I forgive you for provoking me.”

The Queen ended Friday’s address to the Scottish people on a conciliatory note. “Let us all, each and every one of us, move forward now as one great nation, enjoying the benefits and the history of our glorious and historic union,” she said. “Even the forty-five percent of you who are wankers.”

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Buffalo Dolls Last Summer Performance – Wounded Warrior Project

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Thank you Western New York for an amazing inaugural season for The Buffalo Dolls!!! Well, that just about wraps up the summer of 2014. One more performance today. Come on out to the VFW Hall on Spring St. in Williamsville and support the Wounded Warrior Project!

We’ll be sorry to see you go, summer, it’s been “just swell”! Private Parties, Glen Park Arts Festival, Sweet Jenny’s, Lockport Community Market, the VA Hospital, Canalside were just some of the highlights.

Todays gathering for the Wounded Warrior Project is a knit-a-thon.

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Williamsville Arts & Culture Committee

Knit-a-Thon

Sunday, September 21, 2014

10:00am to 4:00pm

VFW Post #416 – 18 Spring Street, Williamsville, NY

Make check to: Williamsville Arts & Culture Committee

All proceeds go to the Wounded Warrior Project

You can pay at the door.

Minimum $20 donation at the door (Cash or Check)

5565 Main Street, Williamsville, New York14221

(716) 308 – 1501

knitwmsvl@gmail.com

Knitting squares to join together into blankets which will be sent to military hospitals.

Some yarn will be available, but if you have some, bring it along with #8 needles.

Don’t know how to knit?

We’ll have instructors there to help you learn.

Refreshments will be served.

Door prizes and basket raffles.

Earn more chances to win the longer you stay and the more you knit.  Collect monetary donations from family and friends for this worthy cause.

Look for the event on Facebook!

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FBI Director’s Award Given to Jeff Tricoli

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We’ve been out of town for a few days to share a wonderful celebration with our son Jeff and his family.

Jeff was awarded a 2014 Director’s Award from the Federal Bureau of Investigation on Thursday.  He earned his award for Outstanding Cyber Investigation.  He and his team launched an investigation in 2012 into the ongoing theft of intellectual property that is costing the U.S. billions of dollars and millions of jobs.  Knowing that 50 – 80 percent of these cyber intrusions come from China, this investigation uncovered overwhelming proof that a portion of these damaging thefts are state-sponsored.

The unprecedented indictments of five Chinese Army officers engaged in the cyber theft of American corporate trade secrets and other proprietary information serves as a deterrent to future state-sponsored cyber attacks against U.S. interests.

God bless our son and all the other wonderful men and women who won Director’s Awards for their exemplary work.  Our nation is all the safer for their work.

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Kerry Claims U.S. Has Found a Moderate Syrian Rebel

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what Secretary of State John Kerry described as a significant foreign-policy coup, the U.S. claimed, on Tuesday, that it had successfully located a moderate Syrian rebel.

Though Kerry did not elaborate on how the U.S. did so, he said that locating the rebel was “the culmination of a months-long effort.”

The Secretary of State said that the Syrian had been appropriately vetted and was deemed “moderately rebellious.”

“He definitely seems to be the sort of gentleman we can work with,” Kerry said, adding that several millions of dollars would be spent arming and training the rebel in the days and weeks ahead.

Kerry said that the government’s successful identification of a moderate Syrian rebel was a major victory that should silence critics of the U.S.’s strategy in Iraq and Syria.

“To all of the naysayers who have been arguing that there are no moderate Syrian rebels, I am here today to say that we have found one,” Kerry said. “And if we have found one, that means that there must be others out there.”

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Steven Meyer Takes Tough Stand Against Politicians Who Vote Against Women’s Equality

 

 

Hi there- I hope all is well. I’m emailing you today because I’m hoping that you can make it to our event on Tuesday- together, we will be taking a stand against politicians who vote against women’s equality.This Tuesday, September 17th, I will be issuing a statement regarding the future of women’s equality in New York State. In our fight for equality, we have come a long way- but some politicians around here want to keep us stuck in the past.

Tuesday is our chance to stand up to the backwards politicians who continue to vote against bills such as the Domestic Violence Escalation Prevention Act and to tell them that they cannot continue to put us all at risk while they play political games.

If you want to join us and take a stance in favor of women’s equality, please come this Tuesday, September 17th to the steps of the Amherst Municipal Building in the Village of Williamsville at7pm. We will begin promptly at 7pm in order to make it to the Amherst Democratic Committee meeting at7:30. The address for the building is 5583 Main Street, Williamsville NY 14221.

I hope to see you there! Remember, this is our chance to stand up for equality!

Your friend,
Steve Meyer

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New Hire Is Wife of An Already Hired – Sweet!

Wastewater treatment plant

We have added a new employee to the Amherst Town work force.  She is Lori Angel.  Lori is the wife of the  Waste Water Treatment Plant Supervisor.   It’s been said that the family that works together grow richer together.

Wonder how she landed her job?  Was it posted?  What are the criteria?  How does she meet them?  How many others applied?  How did her résumé stand out among the others?  Wait, was she appointed?  How lucky for her that she knows people in high places!

We also hired two new people at the Waste Water Treatment Plant.  Not sure what their jobs are, what they are being paid, or what they do there.

How about some transparency please.

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