N.R.A. Defends Right To Own Politicians
Posted by Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee today, National Rifle Association C.E.O. Wayne LaPierre warned that the N.R.A. would vigorously oppose any legislation that “limits the sale, purchase, or ownership of politicians.”
“Politicians pose no danger to the public if used correctly,” said Mr. LaPierre, who claims to have over two hundred politicians in his personal collection. “Everyone hears about the bad guys in Congress. Well, the only thing that stops a bad guy with a vote is a good guy with a vote. I’m proud to be the owner of many of those guys.”
Mr. LaPierre’s comments drew a sharp rebuke from Carol Foyler, a politician-control advocate who has spent the past twelve years lobbying for stricter limits on the sale of politicians.
“Right now, a man like Wayne LaPierre can walk right into Congress and buy any politician he wants,” she said. “There’s no background check, no waiting period. And so hundreds of politicians are falling into the hands of people who are unstable and, quite frankly, dangerous.”
In addition to limiting the sale of politicians, Ms. Foyler said, it is time for society to take a look at the “sheer number” of politicians in the U.S.: “There’s no doubt that we would be safer if there were fewer of them.”
For his part, the N.R.A. leader ended his testimony by serving notice that he would “resist any attempt” to take away the hundreds of elected officials he says are legally his.
As if to illustrate that point, he clutched Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) close to his chest and bellowed, “From my cold, dead hands.”
don moeller Said,
January 31, 2013 @ 5:49 pm
Obama uses EVERY dirty trick to get what HE wants reguardless of the Constitution!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, whatever Wayne LaPierre has to do to protect me is OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neil Said,
January 31, 2013 @ 11:57 pm
Did this guy actually stay up all night to compose this “biting satire”? If so, what a waste of a good night’s sleep.
David Said,
February 1, 2013 @ 12:15 pm
For some reason many anti-gunners LITERALLY cannot believe anyone would ever be pro gun-rights. They believe NRA leadership is an mega wealthy cabal that misleads and controls the minds of its members. They also think that all politicians are secretly for gun control and only oppose it because they are afraid of the NRA-despite the fact many congresspeople are also members.
I guess there’s always the possibility this is just a sophomoric jab at an easy target, but I recognize the sentiment.