Scalia Arrested Trying to Burn Down Supreme Court


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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a shocking end to an illustrious legal career, police arrested Justice Antonin Scalia today as he attempted to set the Supreme Court building ablaze.

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Justice Scalia, who had seemed calm and composed during the announcement of two major rulings this morning, was spotted by police minutes later outside the building, carrying a book of matches and a gallon of kerosene.

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After police nabbed Justice Scalia and placed him in handcuffs, the Juror appeared “at peace and resigned to his fate,” a police spokesman said.

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“He went quietly,” the spokesman said. “He just muttered something like, ‘I don’t want to live in a world like this.’ ”

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Back at the Supreme Court, Justice Scalia’s colleagues said they hoped he would get the help he needed, except for Justice Clarence Thomas, who said nothing.

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Amherst’s Invisible Man

vote smart

A novel written in 1897 by HG Wells, the first science fiction novel, was titled The Invisible Man.  It was a masterpiece.  People rushed to stores, book stores, anywhere books were sold, but no one could find a copy.

Two hundred and seventeen years later there was another rare occurrence very similar to the almost impossible to find HG Wells book, The Invisible Man.

There was a political race between two men:  one man called Steven Meyer and another man.  The other candidate was never seen in Amherst.  People went to this other man’s office and to his debates but he was never seen, he was never found.

Both of these mysteries may never be solved but November 4 is election day and the second mystery should finally be solved.

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Should City Taxpayers Fund Ballpark Improvements?


by Matthew Ricchiazzi

Former State Senator and longtime City Councilman Al Coppola is on a mission to change the way that the city does business. The Council is sometimes too willing to use public resources to help private firms generate larger profit margins, he says. Rather than continuing to behave the same way, Coppola wants to empower the private sector and return our city-owned baseball stadium to the property tax rolls.

Coppola is a cornerstone figure in Buffalo’s body politic, still known for his legendary battles with Niagara Mohawk, a local energy monopoly that he had attempted — and nearly achieved — a city takeover, which energy industry experts say would have reduced local home energy costs by 65 to 75 percent.

In recent weeks, Coppola has been lobbying Buffalo’s Common Council — who he calls “fiscal trustees who are responsible for protecting local taxpayers.”
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Man Infected with Ebola Misinformation Through Casual Contact With Cable News

CANTON, OH (The Borowitz Report)—An Ohio man has become infected with misinformation about the Ebola virus through casual contact with cable news, the Centers for Disease Control has confirmed.

Tracy Klugian, thirty-one, briefly came into contact with alarmist Ebola hearsay during a visit to the Akron-Canton airport, where a CNN report about Ebola was showing on one of the televisions in the airport bar. “Mr. Klugian is believed to have been exposed to cable news for no more than ten minutes, but long enough to become infected,” a spokesman for the C.D.C. said. “Within an hour, he was showing signs of believing that an Ebola outbreak in the United States was inevitable and unstoppable.”

Once Klugian’s condition was apparent, the Ohio man was rushed to a public library and given a seventh-grade biology textbook, at which point he “started to stabilize,” the spokesman said.

But others exposed to the widening epidemic of Ebola misinformation may not be so lucky. “A man in Oklahoma was exposed to Elisabeth Hasselbeck on Fox for over three minutes,” the C.D.C. spokesman said gravely. “We hope we’re not too late.”

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Andrew Cuomo Refuses One-On-One Televised Debate With Rob Astorino


“Mr. Cuomo is insulting the intelligence of New Yorkers,
who pay the highest taxes in America in a state with the
worst economic outlook in America.”

New York, NY–Oct. 6…New York’s governor will not debate his Republican opponent in a one-on-one televised debate, Westchester County Executive and GOP gubernatorial candidate Rob Astorino today announced. Mr. Astorino, who last year gave his re-election challenger in Westchester five separate, one-on-one debates, has accepted six TV debate offers in this year’s gubernatorial race. Andrew Cuomo has refused all television offers that would feature the two major party candidates debating head-to-head.

Mr. Astorino’s campaign had been working with a respected intermediary organization to strike a deal with Mr. Cuomo that would have allowed television cameras into a proposed WNYC joint radio show appearance. Mr. Cuomo categorically refused that offer. (Both Mr. Cuomo and Mr. Astorino refused a webcam debate proposal that was floated in the WNYC negotiations.) Mr. Cuomo also refused to debate his Democratic Primary challenger, respected FordhamUniversity professor Zephyr Teachout.

“Andrew Cuomo travels to Afghanistan to support troops fighting for democracy, and then blatantly disrespects the democratic process here in New York,” County Executive Astorino said. “Mr. Cuomo is insulting the intelligence of New Yorkers, who pay the highest taxes in America in a state with the worst economic outlook in America.  This state’s voters deserve to see and hear the major party candidates in a debate of ideas before Election Day.

Mr. Astorino has accepted televised debates with:

New York 1/Time Warner Cable/Newsday/News 12

WABC 7/Univision/The Daily News/ League of Women Voters

CBS News


The Association of Public Broadcasting Stations

The only debate tentatively scheduled — no firm date is set — would be a local debate held in Buffalo that will include minor party candidates, cutting in half the time Mr. Astorino and Mr. Cuomo will have to discuss key issues, like tax reform, economic development, the Moreland Commission Scandal, and Common Core.  That debate will be hosted by The Buffalo News and the local PBS affiliate. Astorino efforts to include broadcast television outlets have been rebuffed.

“Vladimir Putin debated his opponent on television in Russia,” Mr. Astorino continued, “but Andrew Cuomo won’t do the same in New York. What does that tell you about him? What does Mr. Cuomo have to hide?”

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Amherst Creating an Open Government Advisory Board

Open Government

by Paul Wolf

As an Amherst resident and as an attorney open government is important to me. Last night a resolution I drafted and submitted to the Amherst Town Board to form an Open Government Advisory Board was unanimously passed.
Just before passing this resolution the town board held a hearing to solicit comments from the public regarding the proposed 2015 budget. Only one resident spoke at the hearing and she incredibly pointed out that the board was holding a hearing on a budget that was not available in the library or on-line. Wow!
It appears Amherst has a long way to go regarding open government. Hopefully this new Advisory Board will help. Check out the link below for more info
Paul Wolf, Esq.

The Amherst Town Board unanimously passed a resolution committing the town to an open government policy. To implement this policy an Open Government Advisory Board consisting of citizens and a designated department head will work to make more information available to the public on-line. While communities across the country are undertaking similar efforts, the Village of Williamsville was the first municipality in Western New York to recently adopt such a policy.

Hopefully other communities will join Williamsville and Amherst in forming a citizens Open Government Advisory Board. In an ironic moment, before approving the Open Government policy, the Amherst Town Board held a public hearing to obtain public input regarding the town’s proposed 2015 budget. Only one resident spoke at the hearing (Jane Fox) but she made an astounding point. The Board was holding a hearing seeking public opinion regarding a budget which was not available at the library or on-line.  Ms. Fox as an interested citizen looked for the budget information and could not find it. How incredible is that!
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G.O.P. Leader: Five Million Forced Back to Work Under Obama

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The Property On Main St. At Garrison Rd. Has Been Cleaned Up

Village of Williamsville

To the people of the Village of Williamsville:  if you’d like an update on the property on Main St. at Garrison Rd., there is NOTHING new to report.

The Village had told the owners to clean up the area and level off the cement, which they did.

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State Senate Candidates Try to Explain Away Pasts

Marc Panepinto

Marc Panepinto was 36, busy with his law firm, a new home and a young family when the 2001 election season came around. As a Democratic committeeman, one of Panepinto’s jobs was to go door-to-door, getting nominating petitions signed for the Democratic slate of candidates. He had been doing it for years, and was good at it.

But that year, with so much going on in his own life, Panepinto asked his younger brother Donald for help. A week or so later, in early July, Donald Panepinto went to his brother’s house with a stack of signed petitions. The brothers then sat at the dining room table and divided up the pages.

Marc Panepinto signed as witness on five of them, swearing that he was present as individuals signed their names on the petitions.

But Marc Panepinto didn’t observe the petitions being signed. And some of the signatures, it later turned out, were bogus.

Three months after Marc and Donald Panepinto signed the witness statements in that Norwood Avenue dining room, they pleaded guilty to misdemeanor election law misconduct. Each paid a $500 fine.

Thirteen years later, that conviction continues to haunt Marc Panepinto, now 49 and running against two opponents in the 60th District State Senate race.

The conviction is an easy political target.
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Vatican Synod Tests The Pope’s Vision Of A More Merciful Church

Archbisop of New York Cardinal Timothy Dolan (left) attends the Opening Mass of the Synod of Bishops celebrated by Pope Francis in St. Peter's Basilica on Sunday in Vatican City. The two-week conference will discuss family issues, including controversial topics like divorce and contraception.

Archbisop of New York Cardinal Timothy Dolan (left) attends the Opening Mass of the Synod of Bishops celebrated by Pope Francis in St. Peter’s Basilica on Sunday in Vatican City. The two-week conference will discuss family issues, including controversial topics like divorce and contraception.

Pope Francis has summoned bishops from all over the world to Rome to discuss issues concerning families – including hot-button issues like artificial contraception and gay civil unions.

The meeting, called a synod, opened on Sunday and is seen as a test of Francis’ vision of a more merciful Church.

Not since the landmark Second Vatican Council half a century ago has a church meeting raised so much hope among progressive Catholics — and so much apprehension among conservatives.

“Pope Francis has told bishops we want to hear from the people, we want dialogue, dialogue, dialogue,” says Director Rene Reid from Reno, Nev. “But there is one thing he didn’t do: He didn’t set up a mechanism for this to happen. So the bishops are going their merry way.”

Reid says her group has come to ask for some basic changes.

“We would like to see the birth control issue revisited,” she says. “We’d like to see celibacy become an option. We’d like to see greater respect and equality given to women.”
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