Kim Jong Un Reveals He Is Just Using Trump to Meet Stormy Daniels

April 18, 2018

Satire from The Borowitz Report

PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—Kim Jong Un has revealed to close associates that he has offered to meet Donald J. Trump only as a means of achieving his real goal: meeting the former adult-film star Stormy Daniels.

A confidant of the North Korean dictator said that Kim revealed his true intentions behind the Trump invitation at a high-level government meeting on Thursday night. “Kim said that he was a big fan of Stormy’s, and he decided that meeting with Trump would be a ‘necessary evil’ if he wanted a chance to meet her,” the confidant said.

According to the confidant, Kim first attempted to arrange a meeting with Daniels through his close friend, the former N.B.A. player Dennis Rodman, “but, when Dennis said that he didn’t know Stormy, Kim was, like, ‘Oh, well, I guess I’ll have to go through Trump, then.’ ”

Kim reportedly is prepared to use whatever leverage is necessary to force Trump to broker the meeting with the erstwhile porn performer. “If Kim doesn’t get to meet Stormy, the missile tests resume,” the confidant said.

When told about Kim’s real reason for offering to meet with Trump, a White House aide initially expressed shock, but then added, “Now everything makes sense.”

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Town of Amherst Launches Official Facebook Page

April 18, 2018
A screenshot of the new Town of Amherst page on Facebook.

The Town of Amherst has its first official Facebook page.

The first post on the page launched Monday promotes an upcoming series of 10 neighborhood forums, which begin Tuesday in Eggertsville and continue through May 31 in Swormville. At the forums, residents will have the chance to tell town officials what future development they want to see in their neighborhoods.

The page at was created by Maggie Hamilton Winship, the town’s new director of community development and strategic planning. She said the new page will increase engagement with residents. Individual town departments, such as Parks & Recreation and Police, already have “excellent social media presence,” she noted.

The town is also working on creating official Twitter and Instagram accounts, as well as an overhaul of the town’s website.

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Another Amherst Reassessment? Maybe in 2020

April 18, 2018

Amherst property owners might be going through another reassessment in less than two years.

The town last year put a new value on each of its 44,000 properties, but officials are already eyeing 2020 for the next project – a year earlier than anticipated.

The goal is to make sure the new assessments match what properties would sell for in the open market so owners are paying their fair share of the tax levy. But Town Assessor David Marrano said Amherst’s hot real estate market means he’s already noticing some inequity, with properties recently selling well above or below their new assessments.

“The residential market in Amherst has been very strong, continues to be very strong,” he said Monday during a presentation to the Town Board.
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$15.5 Million Hotel at Amherst’s Northtown Center Eyes Final Approval

April 18, 2018
This is a rendering of the Hampton by Hilton hotel planned for a site near Amherst's Northtown Center. However, an architect for Uniland Development Co. said the company has made modifications to this concept. (Image courtesy of Uniland Development Co.)
This is a early rendering of the Hampton by Hilton hotel planned for a site near Amherst’s Northtown Center. 

A $15.5 million Hampton by Hilton hotel planned for Amherst’s Northtown Center could receive its final approval at Thursday’s meeting of the town Planning Board.

The Planning Board had tabled its review of the project last month to give Uniland Development Co. time to submit a revised site plan.

The company on April 9 submitted an updated plan that showed where the hotel fits within the larger Northtown Center recreational area, shifted the north driveway entrance and added a plaza area with a fire pit, among other changes, said Ellen Kost, the town’s assistant planner.

The project received a mixed reaction at last month’s Planning Board public hearing.
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‘The Bachelorette’ is Filming a Hometown Date in WNY

April 18, 2018

“The Bachelorette” is here.

Becca Kufrin, who became next season’s “The Bachelorette” after she first was proposed to and then ditched for another woman by Arie Luyendyk Jr. in last season’s controversial edition of “The Bachelor,” is in Western New York shooting an episode involving a hometown date with a Western New York man.

A source close to the production confirmed that Kufrin and Jason Tartick, a WNY native who now is a corporate banker in Seattle, will be shooting scenes for the popular ABC reality series on Wednesday and Thursday. The program has hometown dates when “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette” is close to picking someone to be their spouse so Tartick is likely in the Final Four. Tartick’s parents have moved to North Carolina but are here and are expected to be part of the program.
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Series of Neighborhood Planning Forums Set for Amherst Residents

April 14, 2018

Amherst residents will have the chance to tell town officials what future development they want to see in their neighborhoods at a series of forums that start later this month.

The town will host 10 community forums across the town starting April 24 in Eggertsville and running through May 31 in Swormville. The planning effort is meant to gain resident feedback on economic development, quality of life, parks and recreation, traffic and transportation and other important issues.

The town Planning Department has divided Amherst into 10 neighborhoods, based largely on the various fire districts in the town, and each forum will be held in a different neighborhood. Every meeting starts at 6:30 p.m.

For more information on when and where each meeting takes place, visit the town’s website.

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Barbara Bush, the ‘enforcer’ of a Political Dynasty, is Dead

April 17, 2018

Former first lady Barbara Bush, one of only two women in American history to have been both the wife and the mother of a U.S. president, died in her home in Houston on Tuesday at the age of 92.

She had been in declining health for some time and recently decided not to seek further treatment.

Known for her shock of white hair and trademark pearls, Barbara Bush was quickly branded the nation’s “grandmother in chief” when her husband, President George H.W. Bush, ascended to the White House in 1988. But her matronly appearance and polite disposition concealed a sharp tongue and devilish wit that she later became known for, as she increasingly stepped forward as her husband’s defender during his presidency and a rough-and-tumble reelection campaign that he ultimately lost to Bill Clinton.

While her husband was the linchpin of a multigenerational political dynasty, Bush provided much of the steel in the family. Forgoing a career of her own to take care of her kids and support her spouse’s political ambitions, she once said, “My career was my family.” She was of a generation where women were largely defined by their fathers and whom they married, but as the times changed, so did she, gradually showing more of the strong personality that led her kids to lovingly describe her as “the enforcer.”
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Decision on $35 Million East Amherst Subdivision Won’t Come Until June

April 17, 2018
A sign near the location where Natale Builders propose to build 80 houses on New Road in Amherst.  (Robert Kirkham/Buffalo News)
A sign near the location where Natale Builders propose to build 80 houses on New Road in Amherst. 

The Amherst Town Board won’t decide the fate of a controversial $35 million subdivision planned for East Amherst for at least six more weeks.

The board on Monday adjourned its review of the project until June 4 to await the completion of an analysis of the area’s sanitary sewer capacity.

The board held a public hearing in March on a request to rezone 49 out of the 57 acres at 284 New Road, near Millersport Highway, from suburban agricultural to residential.
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Investment Adviser Michael Giokas Admits $1.4 Million Fraud From Clients

April 17, 2018

Michael Giokas’ three decades as a trusted investment adviser ended Monday with an admission that he cheated clients out of $1.4 million.

It was money, prosectors said, that he used to pay for personal expenses.

The former owner of Giokas Wealth Advisors in Williamsville also admitted using a fake company, Trinity Council LLC, as part of a scheme to solicit investments he knew were fraudulent.
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Let’s Make a Positive Impact Together

April 17, 2018

Join us at Alex and Ani on Sunday, April 29 at 3 pm!
15% of sales during the event will be donated to help support
the Library’s Bucks for Books Campaign.

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