Devastated Roy Moore Consoles Himself by Heading to Mall

Satire from The Borowitz Report

GADSDEN, ALABAMA (The Borowitz Report)—Moments after his stunning defeat in Alabama’s special U.S. Senate election, the Republican candidate, Roy Moore, told reporters that he was planning to cheer himself up by “heading to the mall.”

“If people think they’ve seen the last of Roy Moore, they are sorely mistaken,” a visibly devastated Moore said. “I’m going to get back up, dust myself off, and head on over to the good ol’ Gadsden Mall.”

But Moore’s plans for a rejuvenating return to his former stomping grounds hit a snag upon his arrival at the mall, where he found an impromptu victory party for the Democrat, Doug Jones, in full swing.

Adding insult to injury, security guards who recognized Moore from his mall-prowling days nabbed the disgraced Republican and hurled him from the premises.

In Washington, one of Moore’s staunchest supporters, Donald J. Trump, excoriated the voters of Alabama for their decision. “It’s a sad day for America when people believe women,” he said.

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Doug Jones’s Victory in Alabama is An Ominous Sign for Republicans


Alabama Democrat Doug Jones celebrates his victory over Roy Moore at the Sheraton in Birmingham, Ala., on Dec. 12. 

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OneJet to Offer Non-stop Albany Flights Beginning Feb. 1

While assemblymen, senators and other government types may prove regular customers of the new non-stop flights announced Monday between Buffalo and Albany, the local business community emerges as the driving force in convincing Pittsburgh-based OneJet Airlines to reintroduce flights to the state capital.

Not only will service include twice-daily flights between the two cities, travelers will also enjoy new, 30-passenger ERJ135 jets with extra leg room.
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Frontier Offering One-way Tickets From Buffalo to Florida for $31

Frontier Airlines announced last week it would begin offering non-stop flights between Buffalo and parts of Florida. (Derek Gee/News file photo)
Frontier Airlines announced last week it would begin offering non-stop flights between Buffalo and parts of Florida.

Had enough of the snow?

Frontier Airlines, a Tampa-based low-cost airline that announced last week it would begin offering non-stop flights between Buffalo and parts of Florida, is selling tickets purchased by Dec. 13 or 14 to Miami and Fort Myers starting at $31 one way, $49 to Tampa and $94 to Orlando for this winter.

You can buy tickets online at: flyfrontier.com and look for “Our Best Deals.”

Is there a catch? Well, those are starting prices. The no-frills airline charges for carry-on luggage and checked luggage and for seating assignments. The airline has a bundling option called “WORKSsm” for flyers interested in adding those on. The bundling option starts at $69 each way, said Richard Oliver, a spokesman for the airline.

Frontier will have nonstop flights between Buffalo and Denver starting in April.
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Traffic Study Will Look at Safety of Millersport Highway Intersection

Amherst officials will await the results of a traffic study before restricting left turns at a potentially dangerous intersection.

The Town Board on Monday night was prepared to consider asking the state Department of Transportation to restrict left turns from Shoreline Parkway onto Millersport Highway.

But the board agreed to allow residents of the Dockside Village apartments and townhomes complex hire a traffic engineer to study the intersection. The traffic study is to be concluded by Feb. 21 and submitted to the Amherst Traffic Safety Board for review at its March meeting.

Town officials, including Highway Superintendent Pat Lucey, have raised concerns that making a left turn from Shoreline onto the five-lane, 55 mph state highway without a traffic signal is unsafe for motorists.
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Bank of America Suit Reveals CCS Oncology’s Deep Financial Woes

Bank of America has sued the chief executive officer of CCS Oncology, one of the region’s largest community-based cancer care providers, for at least $4.3 million, claiming the medical practice defaulted on millions of dollars in loans he personally guaranteed.

The lawsuit filed last Wednesday is the latest in a series of developments that point to deep financial troubles at CCS Oncology.

Bank of America loaned more than $16 million to CCS Oncology and related businesses two years ago, but the companies failed to meet the terms of the agreement, according to the lawsuit in federal court in Buffalo.
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Williamsville Schools, Teachers Union Reach Four-year Accord

Williamsville schools Superintendent Scott Martzloff greets students in the hallway at Williamsville South High School Friday, Sept. 29, 2017.  (Mark Mulville/Buffalo News)
Williamsville schools Superintendent Scott Martzloff greets students in the hallway at Williamsville South High School.

Williamsville teachers have a new contract that includes salary raises – but also an increase of their contributions to health insurance.

The School Board Tuesday unanimously approved the four-year pact, the result of 11 months of talks and 17 meetings between negotiating teams for the district and Williamsville Teachers Association.

“This is a fiscally responsible contract that I think shows and represents how tirelessly our teachers work to provide the best education for our students,” Board President Shawn Lemay said after the vote. “Kudos to both sides, the district and the teachers union, for coming together like this.”

The union held a ratification vote Monday, and 96 percent of the bargaining unit’s nearly 900 members voted in favor of the deal.
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DeLano to be Appointed Williamsville Mayor

Williamsville Deputy Mayor Dan DeLano, left, chats with Mayor Brian Kulpa on Dec. 11, 2017 during Kulpa’s final Village Board meeting, which was held in a talkshow format. DeLano will take over as mayor after Kulpa is sworn in as Amherst Town Supervisor. Photo provided by Village of Williamsville.
Williamsville Deputy Mayor Dan DeLano, left, chats with Mayor Brian Kulpa on Dec. 11, 2017 during Kulpa’s final Village Board meeting, which was held in a talkshow format. DeLano will take over as mayor after Kulpa is sworn in as Amherst Town Supervisor. 

Williamsville trustees are expected to appoint Deputy Mayor Daniel DeLano as the village’s next mayor as Mayor Brian J. Kulpa prepares to take over as Amherst town supervisor.

Kulpa will be sworn in Dec. 28 and village trustees are expected to appoint DeLano to succeed him at a special meeting likely to be held Dec. 29, officials said.

The board also indicated they have selected Matt Etu, a longtime village volunteer who serves on the Traffic & Safety Committee and Zoning Board of Appeals, to fill DeLano’s vacated trustee seat.
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Re-ENERGIZE Buffalo


David Kowalski

All things GREEN: Energy, Environment, and Economy

EVENTS THIS WEEK:

  • TUESDAY, December 12, CALL-the-Governor DAY: New Yorkers are calling Gov. Cuomo to say: Commit to 100% Clean, Renewable Energy and make Corporate Polluters Pay for their damage to our Health & Climate!  CALL 518-241-4793 to get some Tips & get connected to Gov. Cuomo’s office. 9AM-9PM, Sponsored by NY RENEWS [LINK]
  • THURSDAY, December 14, PRESENTATIONS: Sustainable Investing – Do your Savings reflect your Values? Sponsor Sierra Club Climate & Clean Energy Writers Group. 6:00pm-7:30pm, Crane Branch Library (2nd floor), 633 Elmwood Ave. at Highland, Buffalo. Free & open to the public [LINK]

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These Foods May Help Decrease Side Effects of Breast Cancer Treatment


The side effects of breast cancer treatment can last far beyond your final round of chemo. But…

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